Aircraft Repairs...

[ForensicFlyer]

Thought you might enjoy these:

Remember it takes a college degree to fly a plane But only a high school diploma to fix one.

Reassurance for those of us who fly routinely in our jobs.

After every flight, Qantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe Sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft.

The mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, And then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight.

Never let it be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilot (marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S) by Maintenance engineers.

By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never, ever, had an accident.

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what friction locks are for.

P: IFF inoperative in OFF mode.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one for last .

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget!

Haha! Good stuff!

[taildragger]

I beg to differ, Quantas has had an accident, and quite a serious one.
A 747-400 of theirs landed deep in Bangkok and instead of doing a missed approach they continued the landing, running off the end and almost writing the plane off.
To avoid having a total hull loss the plane was repaired over a period of MANY months.
MY bit of "gee whizz" information!

[Thunderboy]

I beg to differ, Quantas has had an accident, and quite a serious one.
A 747-400 of theirs landed deep in Bangkok and instead of doing a missed approach they continued the landing, running off the end and almost writing the plane off.
To avoid having a total hull loss the plane was repaired over a period of MANY months.
MY bit of "gee whizz" information!

Dont want to hijack Forensic - lets hope its not quie like that although I have heard some pretty scary stuff about maintanence in SA as many of the trained aircraft mechanics are been taken up by overseas guys

The fact was stated on the the movie Rain Man (1998) with Dustin Hoffman a few years ago, (good movie BTW)

Quantas has not had any accidents with fatalities, the Bangkok incident changed that no accident fact. It was a landing in the rain on a wet runway but there were no serious injuries - although the airline was blamed for insufficient training of pilots in those conditions

[Camell]

Priceless!!