Embarrassing Moments in the cockpit.....

[loansharkblv]

Got this idea from Avcom - Let's see what we have on this side.. Trixie, maybe you can include some of these in AS....

Here is my contribution:

Well not exactly in the cockpit but close enough…..

It happened while I was training many many years ago on KDY out of Virginia – I was at that stage where I was “allowed” to go down to the flight line myself and do all the pre-flight checks without the CFI having to hold my hand.

So enter one young, cocky Top Gun wannabe (yours truly) – The CFI hold the preflight briefing and then send me downstairs to do the preflight. As I walk towards the main doors I notice a very nice “mommy” and young boy sitting on one of the benches – You know the benches that I speak about, those that the self loading ballast sits on – the ones that we as aviators never have to go near……

Anyway as I walk towards them in my flightsuit (eat your heart out Tom Cruise), my flight folio and the compulsory cool style sunglasses the little boy turn to his mommy (did I mention she was hot) and says excitedly “Look Mommy, a PILOT”

Well having heard that I pushed my chest out even further, put my best pilot smile on my dial and gave them both (or was it just the mommy) a casual “Good Morning folks!, looks like a beautiful day for flying….)

Mommy (the hot one) did the eyelid flutter, a bit of a hair toss and then with a sideways look flashed back a smile, that to this day I can remember, and answered with ….. (Who know? I guess I failed to mention she also had a low cut top on)

Anyway, out through the door I saunter (as only a pilot can) to look for my trust steed….

5 minutes later I return, a bit concerned, I cannot find KDY – Stroll through the doors (or was it saunter), HOT mommy still there with pilot loving kid in tow…

Again I get the sideways smile, I flash it back, double gun her (for those of you who don’t know what the double gun is….using both hands, point at the double gun recipient [using your nose picking fingers] and make a fast Click-Click noise) and give her the “All looks good out there today” (I am almost sure I ended that one with ma’m)

Anyway back up to the CFI, tell him that KDY is MIA – He looks at me, as only a CFI can look at a student pilot and then tells me to go look again – KDY is defiantly on the flight line…..

Back down the stairs, VERY HOT mommy still there, kid has a memory like a goldfish… “look Mommy, a pilot……”

Smiles are exchanged and I break out into a Jonny Bravo exchange… “So – a – are you –a – waiting for someone?”

“No”, is the answer, “My son is just passionate about aeroplanes and I have organised a flight for him today…..”
So, quick as a flash I look at my clipboard (Now there is very little on this board besides a checklist) run my finger down it and give her the – “O’h yes, MRS Cocraft for the O’h Nine hundred pleasure flip”

No says the VERY VERY HOT mommy, MISS x …. Can’t remember much more after the MISS bit……

Scan the (C150 check)list again, nod my head, and give her the “What a shame, doesn’t look like that is on my schedule for today”

Give her my best “What a shame, doesn’t look like that is on my schedule for today” look and head back out towards the flight line – back up and own, up and down and still NO KDY.

Back in through the doors, some more plesantries with the VERY VERY HOT BLONDE (low cleavage) mommy and up to the CFI again…. Eish – KDY, she is missing…..!

As only a CFI can, the CFI looks at me like I am some piece of SP turd, pushes his chair back and strolls down the stairs towards the doors leading towards the flight line…. With me in hot pursuit.

He stops right next to the VVHB mommy (miss) and stares out through the double doors and goes into CFI ponder mode…. At this stage VVHBM and I are exchanging smiles and whatnot again when I become aware of a sound that closely resembles the noise that irritated CFI’s make……

Slowly I shift my attention to the source of this noise only to discover, surprisingly enough, that it is in fact a CFI making an irritated noise….

Something about student pilots going to be the death of him and what chance do I suspect I will have of seeing an approaching a/c at 200knts if I cannot even see a bl@@dy big stationary Cessna at 10 feet….. At this point my attention moved from the throbbing purple vein on his forehead along the outstretched arm to the finger (nose picking variety) that was thrust towards a bl@@dy big stationary Cessna 10 feet away……

The damn thing was right in front of the doors, each time I had walked out and looked (and walked) up and down I had missed the damn thing……..

The CFI suggests that to sharpen my observation skills I should maybe count and clean the insects off the a/c after my preflight after which I should come and call him BEFORE getting into the bl@@dy a/c……….

So, the next 15 minutes where spent preflighting the aircraft while avoiding the eyes of the VVHBM no more than 10 feet away using my, err, PAX listing to make sure I didn’t miss anything……..

Later as the VVHBM walked off down the flight line, without so much as a sideways glance at me, with some other twatter PILOT I am sure I heard the little boy say ….. Look mommy, an aeroplane cleaner……. ……….Stupid little b@stard kid!

[afskies scribe]

[DieselFan]

This is brilliant LS! Made me choke on my fruit salad...the beef patty is at the bottom, so I'm told

[loansharkblv]

the beef patty is at the bottom, so I'm told

Mmm, yes it is... surrounded by bacon and pork sausages...

[Morph]

[slysi]

Brilliant......

[Weg]

Hilarious. Brilliant story.

[Coyote]

What a great story - I can relate. Met a girl in a pub a few years ago and naturally told her I was a pilot. We arranged for a flip down the coast the next day - so I am up early , aircraft out of hanger, preflight done when the babe arrives and asks where the plane is, I point proudly at WXC my Beutiful trike only to be told THAT NOT A PLANE ITS HANG GLIDER. She never went flying!!!