Friday Joke

[Tailspin]

Twee seuntjies speel krieket in n parkie in Pretoria , toe die een deur ‘n Rotweiler aangeval word. Die maaitjie dink vinnig vat sy bat wikkel dit by die hond se nekband in draai en breek die hond se nek sodat hy kan ophou. ‘n Joernalis wat verby stap, kom nader en wil ‘n onderhoud met die seuns voer. Hy begin “Jong BLOU BUL ondersteuner red vriend se lewe uit bek van vreeslike dier”. “Die seuntjie sê: “Maar ek is nie n BLOU BUL nie”. Die joernalis vra omverskoning en se hy het aangeneem oor hulle in Pretoria is. Hy begin weer skryf. “LEEUS fan red vriend van vreesaanjaende aanval”. Weer sê die seun: “Ek is nie n LEEU ondersteuner nie.” Die joernalis vra:” Nou watter span skreeu jy voor?” Ek’s ‘n WP ondersteuner sê hy. Die joernalis draai die blaai om en skryf: “KLEIN KAK VAN KAAPSTAD VERMOOR FAMILIE-TROETELDIER KOELBLOEDIG.”

[Tailspin]

Die vrou word wakker uit diep narkose nadat sy ‘n “fanny tuck” gehad. (Durbanville Medi Clinic) Op die tafel voor haar bed in die hospitaalsaal waar sy lê , is daar drie bosse blomme met kaartjies in koevertjies by die ruikers.

Effe deur die slaap nog , maak sy die eerste koevertjie oop en die kaartjie lees: “Geagte mevrou Pansegrouw. As die dokter wat die uiterse delikate operasie gedoen het, wil ek net bevestig dat die operasie ‘n groot sukses was en dat alles binnekort weer normaal sal wees. Baie dankie vir die vertroue wat jy gestel het in my vermoë as plastiese chirurg. Groete. Dr Uys.”

Sy maak die tweede koevertjie oop. Dit kom van haar man en dit lees: “My liefste vrou, baie dankie vir die onbaatsugtige gebaar van jou kant om jouself weer vir my mooi nuut en vars te maak sodat ons mekaar van vooraf weer kan geniet. Sterkte met die herstelproses – ek kan nie wag nie. Al my liefde. Jou man.”

Sy maak die laaste koevertjie oop , haal die kaartjie uit en lees: “Hallo tannie. My naam is Kosie en ek lê in Saal nommer 4. Ek wil net vir tannie baie dankie sê vir my nuwe ore! Groete. Kosie.”

[Tailspin]

ONLY IN AFRICA

[Tailspin]

Faceless. & Real fans

[Alkemac]

Woman couldnt understand why everytime she practised her signing at home, her husband went and stood outside on the balcony..

After a while, she asked him about this and after thinking carefully, he replied "...just so that the neighbours didnt think I was moering you.."

[Sad-Ham]

Spanish singer Julio Iglesias was on television with British TV host Anne Diamond when he used the word "mañana" (pronounced “manyana”).

Diamond asked him to explain what it meant.

He said that the term means "Maybe the job will be done tomorrow, maybe the next day, maybe the day after that. Or perhaps next week, next month, next year. Who really cares?"

The host turned to Mr. Sipho Msondtlwana from South Africa who was also on the show and asked him if there was an equivalent term in his native language.

He replied: "In Xhosa we don't have a word to describe that degree of urgency."

[Tailspin]

This is how i feel today

[Blue Eagle]

Gavin - you sound a bit like this dude... good one...

[MILO]

STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,

'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'

The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up And I am taking over.'

The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'

The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.'

The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.

He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch when he sees the roosters running by.

The Old Rooster is squawking and running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,

'Dammit...... Third gay rooster I bought this month.'

Moral of this Story? ..
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
Always overcome youth and arrogance!
OLD DUDES RULE

[Tailspin]

Men are Not romantic.
Girl sms's her boyfriend: " My love... If you are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are smiling send me your smile. If you are crying send me your tears. I love you."....... The guy replies: "Ek k@k. Wat moet ek stuur?"

[vernon11]

Gavin. Great.

[wiskeyfoxtrot]

[wiskeyfoxtrot]

I started cage fighting and won my first fight earlier today......... Fucking budgie never knew what hit him !

[Air Hog]

To all student pilots that gets frustrated because it takes so long:

Never give up

Never give up.jpg (31.54 KiB) Viewed 2350 times