Friday joke!

[Alkemac]

Ouma vra klein seun van 6 om te help met haar setpil.

Ouma buk & seuntjie vra: 'ouma, moet ek dit inni bruin ogie druk, of moet ek dit vir die kalkoen voer?'

[Tribal Croc]

kulu kulu koek

[pietmeyer]

Now that was funny

[nicow]

[Blue Max]

Dis n reply werd.
ek het lekker gelag.

[Big Man]

Ons was so arm, my ma het ons een keer ‘n week slaghuis toe gevat om
die vleis te ruik ...

My ma het gesê als met "te" is nie goed vir jou nie, dit sluit nou
goed in soos groen-te en vrug-te. Maar sy was heel verkeerd oor
tie-te!!

Naas stap die apteek binne en vra vir 'n onderarm-deodorant. 'Die
ball-tipe?' vra die apteekmeisie. 'Nee,' sę Naas, 'dis vir onder my
arms ...

Wat noem jy dit as Pinochio in sy broek poef? ...... Stinkhout

JUFFROU vra vir jannie: "Maak asseblief n sin met oomblik." Jannie sê:
"Die klein blikkie noem die groot blik 'oomblik' "

An Australian teacher asks her students if they're Wallabies fans.
Everyone raises their hand except one little girl. The teacher says
"Why aren't you a Wallabies fan?" "I am a Springbok fan". The teacher
asks why? "Because my mom is a Springbok fan, and my dad is a
Springbok fan, so I'm a Springbok fan too!" The teacher says "That is
no reason. What if your mom was a moron and your dad was a moron, what
would you be then?" "Then I'd be a Wallabies fan!”

Wat is die verskil tussen ander dorpe se riooldamme en BOKSBURG s’n?
Die ander het nie n duikplank nie!

Werksoeker bel die wildtuin: Het julle vakature? Wildbewaarder: “Ons
sien nie eers ‘n faka-leeu nie, nou waar gaan ons faka-tiere kry?”

Vrou sę haar boyfriend is so arm, dis elke dag net pap & seks.
Vriendin: “Waar pas seks in?” Vrou: “dis al hoe ek ‘n stukkie vleis
in my liggaam kry!”

Watter ooreenkoms is daar tussen n Potch en ‘n Tuks student?? Altwee
het aansoek gedoen by Tuks!

Veldmuis: “Ek’s so rof ek eet Rattex”. Huismuis: “Dis awesome, ek
drink Doom vir ontbyt”. Plaasmuis: “Ag julle verveel my, ek gaan
spyker gou die kat!”

Afrikaans for a plastic surgeon specializing in boob jobs: Tupper-tiet-kenner

Wat is die top punt van droogte??...... As n bok geboorte gee aan ‘n
stuk Biltong!

Ouma klim op die fiets en ry by die hek uit. Seun: "Waar gaan Ouma?"
Ouma: "Begraafplaas toe"
Seun: "En wie dink Ouma gaan nogals my fiets terug bring?

[Big Man]

This is for our Ingelse

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Tommy Lee



When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Lee Majors

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Al Gore

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher.
Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Mike Tyson

The great question... which I have not been able to answer.... is, "What does a woman want?
George Clooney

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Bill Clinton

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
George W. Bush

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Rudy Giuliani

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
Michael Jordan

"I've had bad luck with all my wives. The first one left me and the second one didn’t.” The third gave me more children!
Donald Trump

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1.. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Shaquille O’Neal

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Kobe Bryant

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
David Hasselhoff

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Alec Baldwin

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Barack Obama

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Brad Pitt

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Jimmy Kimmel

“Honey, what happened to ‘ladies first’?” Husband replies, “That’s the reason why the world’s a mess today, because a lady went first!”
David Letterman

“First there’s the promise ring, then the engagement ring, then the wedding ring...soon after.....comes Suffer...ing!
Jay Leno