I needs some help

[witwillem]

My other Auntie is a lady of formaat , Ja she is not small so is this uncle of mines as well - as they say he wear a long belt and he can make any kook very happy because he can put away a big bord of kook kos .
Now wif all the strike the farmers people who are getting old is getting worried , ja what will happens if they die when everybody is strike . J a the auntie and uncle of mine the take the ford F100 and go to avbob in potties to get some doodskiste - they say if you die now they must sommer have n boere begrafnis on the farm . First my unle he tries one kis then another till he finds one that fit , the is my aunties time and sghe do so also . The put them in cover wif blankets and strap it vas on the bak of the F100 and they goe back the farm. they put the kist in the waenhuis nad they get the volk to dig the graves in the kerkhof on the farm . My pa say they is be ddoooo in their heads cause they not going to die yet. They make two nice deep grafte here under the sipres trees and the buid it out wif brieks and sement . The covers it wif sinkplate and clearly marks each one last resting place . When we vist them my uncle takes my pa , ma and me to see these graves. as he opens the sinke he sees the balbyters have made nes in his grave so he tell my auntie she will have to take his place because she dont want to hear him when the bal byters bite him on the bal when he is dead . J ahere by us some of the peoples are a bietjie anners . Willempie

[Grumpy]

Hey Willempie, seblief nie weer twee stories op een dag nie. Veels te besig n mannetjie vir die bosveld.

[witwillem]

Jis dis nou vir jou n ding - die perre daar in slaapstad se ons werk nie hier nie - Jyt seker nog nie op N john Deere gesit en ploeg van vyf die oggend to tien die aand , ons brand 2000 liter se diesel per dag en dan vat my pa oor to vyf uur die oggend en so gat ons an totdat ons klaar geploe het dan is dit dis en plant , ou knorre jy moet mar ko kuier dan sal ons jou n ding of twee wys - julle kan dan nie eers rugby speelie so wat weet julle van werk , julle se mage werk van teveel droe vrugte dis wat werk ne Willempie

[Boet]

Jis dis nou vir jou n ding - die perre daar in slaapstad se ons werk nie hier nie - Jyt seker nog nie op N john Deere gesit en ploeg van vyf die oggend to tien die aand , ons brand 2000 liter se diesel per dag en dan vat my pa oor to vyf uur die oggend en so gat ons an totdat ons klaar geploe het dan is dit dis en plant , ou knorre jy moet mar ko kuier dan sal ons jou n ding of twee wys - julle kan dan nie eers rugby speelie so wat weet julle van werk , julle se mage werk van teveel droe vrugte dis wat werk ne Willempie

OU KNORRE ...........

[nicow]

Willempie,ek word nie grys nie-kyk mooi-dit is silver ....Lekker ploeg/werk.

[Tobie]

Willempie, Jou stories hou my uit die werk uit!!! Ek sit weer in stitches hier vanni lag.

[Gyronaut]

@ OU KNORRE!!

[witwillem]

jis if you is a sukker , you is a sukker . Friday morning a injun fellow comes to our farm , he say he hear I has an aeroplane from Piet Bliksem the poliesman and he wants to hear if it is for sale . The fellow his name is Mikels Pillay nogal from Potties - ja where are the days when there was a bo dorp and a onderdorp and then there was the other dorp wher all the other peoples stay even the old wise chinaman.
Ja som it is I wants to buy a big windlass - Aquilla wif a 582 blue top and I thinks if the price is right I must sell someer quick for cash and I can buy one quick.
So I show Mikel the windlass , he say it is nice he takes his mik en druk and takes lots of snaps from all sides. I say he must not mind the doibies because I have new ones on the way and the engine is new . He say he want to try it and I ask if he can fly and he say yes , but I can show him how by taking a intouduck tory flight as he say they do by Ballitto in Natal. I puts him in the back seat , we put extra 5 lieters petrols and I prflight vey good and start the windlass with one moerof a pull . The trike runs like my mas singer naaimasjien smooth as can be and we taxi bfore we do our checks , he knows all and is pleased that I looks after this windlass so wel .
We takes off and he say its very nice and we must fly to the Rustder winter dam , he want to check the fuel contsumptions as it must be light on fuels. So gemaak we flies low and slow to save the fuel . He takes the bar on the back and we fly like a studend wif a instructor . When we gets to the dam we must fly to the west because he wants to feel the wind on the trike , so we do some turns and we must fly lower so he can feel it climb over the water and he wants to take some more pictures. Ja we fly lower and we see all the charous having one hell of a party on the side , They is playing music from the boots of the cars and the jong ones is dancing and eating samoosas from big pots , ja they are plenty and we fly lower and it looks like lightning as the mik en druks flash as we come past . suddenly I hear this mikesl is getting silent and he dont say much just as we go downs again , he points to our farm and we go there quick . As we get to land he makes funny noises and wen we stop he is vaal like a piekanien that has done n stof dans round the fire , ja boet he was sick like a dog . He say he domt want to fly no more and he dont want to buy my windlass any more -
I finks i have been taken for a sucker by this charou , but Jorrie van der walt dont forget so quick , so he must wachit cause I will get him back soen . Ja one of these days he will come buy some boerbokke or some groente then I wil get even Ja boet sometime you is a sucker - Willempie

[AndyG]

Oom Schalk Lourens has been reborn!!!

[Tailspin]

OK
Witwillem
You had me in stitches again - You can never bee too careful with these Apachies huh !?!?

[Leprachaun]

Haai willempie , ek dag jy se die wagonburners sal jou nooit vang nie - now wat se jy nou , smaak my julle het darem lekker gevlieg afterall ,
Ja daars geen sucker soos n ou sucker nie , Maar laat ons weet as hulle bokke kom koop ek sien uit na die volgende episode
Leprachaun

[witwillem]

Jis peoples this was big flight . We fills the tenk to the top we puts the sarmies in the pannier bags and the thermos flesk in the snoopie box wif the spare oils and patch and selution. My uncle he keeps the 10 liters spare petrols on his lap and when the engine is right hot we puts voet innie hoek - ja boet this windlass kan , its steun en kreun and eventoeally we gets off the ground . We call on the radio and away we goes.
We stops at Mongena on the tar and we refill the tenk and eats some frikkedells and we stand windop cause the coek eggs smel like somone leave a moerse poep if you satnds down wind . Me slaan water af and drinks ma trekker koffie blue labels and off we goes . Near Petoria we finds a big runway and we lands here to pull our legs and to empty our blisters again. then we take the road agains . we caals on the radio for directions to swartkops and the girls on the radio wif the squeeky voice say we must turns wst and caal when we see a red an white tower on the berg . It was not long before we sees it , but we see lots of trikes flyin in sirkels near the hoenderhoks and we climb to go over the berg and just as we think we runs out of breath we go overs the top and on the otherside we find the runways the tannie wif the squeekie voice say we must land .
Jis broer this place has n funnie runway , big trees on the one side and mountans on the othe sides but we try two times to lands and when we stop we find a ou wif a red face who say it is a private strip and we must boggerof . Ja we must nogal boggerof . Jis this is funny peoples this , they have strange things wif nets and springs on the grounds next to the hangfars and it looks like flying pierings , maybe they is uiliens of somefing like thats . I shows my papers and say we was persoonlik uitgenooi , the ou he takes it , teras it and traps on it and say we must buggeroff . Jsut as we start the windlass and start revving he runs to a quad and stop us before we buggerof . Ja he is sorry the auntie wif the squeekie voice she give wrong direction we is by swartspruit and not swartkop. Ja he is sorry and we must first bladskut before we goes away cause we is farmers and we dont no better. He tells the auntie we is jong mens and we is honger she must make foods for us . He say no when we say we must go as its late and we cant leave till we has ontbyt. Ja boet we has a boere ontbyt , wors , eiers pap tamaiteis wif bacon and lekker coffe. Ja we is dik gevreet and we start talk politiek and wen we looks again iis nearly twelve oclock . We bladskut and off we goes , we decides we go straight home . jis till we hits the top of the blerrie berg , ja somebody did open a big venster I puts voet and we move duim vir duim til we is over the top , My uncles is sick and he kots in his helmet because the trike jumps all over . I was never so bang in all my life , but in the end we ride home and when we gets there the wind stops and it was lekker to be backs home again . Just show you dont beleif auties wif squeekie voice , Ja we is sorrie we dont fly to swartkops , but now we nos where is swartspruit . Willempie

[witwillem]

Jis these peoples at wonderboom is strange - I fone them to copain about the auntie wif the squeekie voice who sent me to Swartspruit and not Swartkop and they say I must come and see them self.
I comes to wonderboom and I see the auntie wif the squeekie voice and I get treat up min the tower - jis I must tell you ous this auntie has a busy job , she cannot talk small talk as there is planes coming and there is planes going and there is planes waiting , she checks them all and then she say we must go for some sarmies by the kafee there . As I get out I see a 49 Ford v8 park outside and I forget about the auntie wif the squeekie voice as I love these cars . After some 10 minutes we goes for the sarmie and milkshake and I tell her about my small days in Pretoria wen we visit my neef Danie in Sunnyside and hatfield. Ja those were the days we used to go to the Lollipopwif his 1200 Cortina wif 1500 syper badges on , the exhaust was from tripple A - dual outlet , but a cheap fake . This car had looks , ja boet orange fluff on the dash and a orange on the twin stub arials at the back and a lekker 8 tack elvis tape wif lots of songs . Ja we goes to the poskantoor in Hatfield and me an my inles was 12 years old , but we new cars , ja we want a 1500 gt , wif the gadges on the dash , but ou Danie was still a armgat who wore grey flannel broek and with shirt - he works for the poskantoor ja . As we goes for a ride to his work he show us a 52 Ford v8 wif all the trimmings , ja this one has badges , krome stars on the mudguards , a big red bug defleter on the boneet - is a gogga afskrik ding so the dont fly into the froont window and mudflaps wif red green and blue stars reflecters on . The double exhaust ahs fistail chrome fittings on - ja this car was opgesoep wif a Mercury 110 horspower engin .
Petros was cheeap , one and six a gallon ja and this car could go , over hundre d miles in hour.
As we verkyk us wif this car a opel record comes round the draai and all you hear is one opels engine scream and n gekners van gears as the driver one of Alderson and flitten sales peoples take this car for a spin . My uncle and I we lag laat on s broeke bewe s and when we looks again the car reverse up to us and this ou is kwaad because we lag for him - he say he will give us some snot klaps if we do it agains and we vee the smiles of ours bakkies quick . He goes away wif the wiel spin and we catch a hike back to my aunties hous ,
Ja it was nice to see this old 49 Ford again , I hear it is some old docter se car .
The auntie wif the squeekie voice say we must go to the drive inn wif this old Ford - Jis die aunties van vandag ne - Willempie

[Leprachaun]

Jy se die auntie met die squeeky stem se julle moet drive-inn toe gaan ????

Is jy seker sy se so ????
Ek wonder maar net , lyk my jy het n nuwe kuierplek gekry ???

Ja ek het op n stadium n 39 Wyllis overland gehad met die true era addons , not quite my style , maar ja dit was daai dae , Groete Leprachaun

[witwillem]

Jis manne this was n affere , first the bulls lose , then the cat ends up in the refrigerator , man this was n gedoende van n anner soort . I will begin by the begin . Ja I take the bakkie and some groent and milk for my Auntie Siena on the dorp cause I has ton get the post from the post bus . Just as I stop by Aubt Sien se hous the nybour Auntie wif the two same day childs comes over and say one of these helle puts the cat in the refrigerator . die hele nag nogal . I looks at this petalje and I thinks jis I dont want such a wife - Jis she has a japon on , a sigaret in the mouf , krullers in the kop and she looks like she makes the stout kinners bang - ja a site to see. She asks aubt sien wat nou , and ant Sien say I must give some boere raat cause we comes from the plaas were we has lots of gediertes . I thinks and I say she must make it a it hot wif some watersak and the hare droer and give the cat some blits or n sop brannewyn to warm it up quick and she say I must take the blerrie kinners caus they is onhebelik . Jis I dont want their aanteelt , now now the peoples think they are my familie .
I get in the bakkie and goes to the postbox and when I gets back the hole house is in reop en roer . My aunt Sien is ok there , ja she is screaming on the top of her voice thay we must verlos them from this duiwelse kat . I jumps over the draad and as i looks into the voorhuis I see ant sien standing on the trane kas wif a broom . The aunie on the koffie tafel and the stoutgat kinners (tweeling krying snot and trane . Jirre dis nou n ding the blerrie kat it makes speed and runs up the gordyne like a bok kapater which is dosed . when it nearly get to the pelmet it bliksems down and then it makes another oefenlopie or two as it dont make the top yet , I take the aubtie japon and throws it over the blerrie kat , when i see her in her pajams i want to get in wif the blerrie kat . suddenly is al quiet , I ask what the give the kat and sehe say they have no blits or brandewyn so she give tha t kat some grasnyer petrol . Jirre die mense is dom jong . I take the japon wif the kat and as get to the voordeur i trips on the mat and the blerrie kat get loss and makes a run for the grass . Just as it get to the gras it fall over . Ja it stops like a taxi when it crash into the back of a truck .
We all wonders why it stops so quick then I see the cats is not dood it just runs out of petrols . Ja it just show you it cant run when ithe petrol is finish , Tot later Willempi e
I hear the groen mannetjie is breek his leg alweer today