>
> TWA 2341: "Center, we are at 35,000 feet. How much noise can we make up
> here?"
>
> Tower: "Sir, have you ever heard the noise a 747 makes when it hits a
> 727?"
>
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> A student became lost during a solo cross-country flight. While attempting
> to locate the aircraft on radar, ATC asked, "What was your last known
> position?"
> Student: "When I was number one for takeoff."
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> A DC-10 had come in a little hot and thus had an exceedingly long roll out
> after touching down.
> San Jose Tower Noted: "American 751, make a hard right turn at the end of
> the runway, if you are able. If you are not able, take the Guadeloupe exit
> off Highway 101, make a right at the lights and return to the airport."
>
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> A Pan Am 727 flight, waiting for start clearance in Munich , overheard the
> following:
> Lufthansa (in German):
> " Ground, what is our start clearance time?"
> Ground (in English): "If you want an answer you must speak in
> English."
> Lufthansa (in English): "I am a German, flying a German airplane, in
> Germany. Why must I speak English?"
> Unknown voice from another plane (in a beautiful British accent):
> "Because you lost the bloody war!"
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> Tower: "Eastern 702, cleared for takeoff, contact Departure on frequency
> 124.7"
> Eastern 702: "Tower, Eastern 702 switching to Departure. By the way,
> after we lifted off we saw some kind of dead animal on the far end of
> the runway."
> Tower: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff behind Eastern 702, contact
> Departure on frequency 124.7. Did you copy that report from Eastern
> 702?"
> BR Continental 635: "Continental 635, cleared for takeoff, roger ; and
> yes, we copied Eastern...
> We've already notified our caterers."
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> One day the pilot of a Cherokee 180 was told by the tower to hold short of
> the active runway while a DC-8 landed. The DC-8 landed, rolled out, turned
> around, and taxied back past the Cherokee.
> Some quick-witted comedian in the DC-8 crew got on the radio and said,
> "What a cute little plane. Did you make it all by yourself?"
> The Cherokee pilot, not about to let the insult go by, came back with a
> real
> zinger: "I made it out of DC-8 parts. Another landing like yours and
> I'll have enough parts for another one."
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> The German air controllers at Frankfurt Airport are renowned as a
> short-tempered lot. They not only expect one to know one's gate parking
> location, but how to get there without any assistance from them. So it was
> with some amusement that we (a Pan Am 747) listened to the following
> exchange between Frankfurt ground control and a British Airways 747, call
> sign Speedbird 206.
> Speedbird 206: " Frankfurt , Speedbird 206! Clear of active runway."
> Ground: "Speedbird 206. Taxi to gate Alpha One-Seven."
> The BA 747 pulled onto the main taxiway and slowed to a stop.
> Ground: "Speedbird, do you not know where you are going?"
> Speedbird 206: "Stand by, Ground, I'm looking up our gate location
> now."
> Ground (with quite arrogant impatience): "Speedbird 206, have you not
> been to Frankfurt before?"
> Speedbird 206 (coolly): "Yes, twice in 1944, but it was dark, -- and I
> didn't land."
>
>
**************************************************************************>
> While taxiing at London 's Gatwick Airport , the crew of a US Air flight
> departing for Ft. Lauderdale made a wrong turn and came nose to nose
> with a United 727. An irate female ground controller lashed out at the
> US Air crew, screaming:
> "US Air 2771, where the hell are you going? I told you to turn right onto
> Charlie taxiway! You turned right on Delta! Stop right there. I know it's
> difficult for you to tell the difference between C and D, but get it
> right!"
> Continuing her rage to the embarrassed crew, she was now shouting
> hysterically: "God! Now you've screwed everything up! It'll take
> forever to sort this out! You stay right there and don't move till I
> tell you to! You can expect progressive taxi instructions in about
> half an hour, and I want you to go exactly where I tell you, when I
> tell you, and how I tell you! You got that, US Air 2771?"
>
> "Yes, ma'am," the humbled crew responded.
>
> Naturally, the ground control communications frequency fell terribly
> silent
> after the verbal bashing of US Air 2771. Nobody wanted to chance engaging
> the irate ground controller in her current state of mind. Tension in every
> cockpit out around Gatwick was definitely running high.
>
> Just then an unknown pilot broke the silence and keyed his microphone,
> asking:
> "Wasn't I married to you once?"