...
So there we where up in the wild blue yonder, we orbit the airfield to gauge the local area flying conditions.... Steve decides that the wind seems to be blowing in the wrong direction as he can smell the odour from the pig farm a couple of miles down the road which means that the wind is blowing in an westerly direction and that will make approaches over the TOD quite interesting so he elects for us to head off to one of the other local airfields…. =D>
Along the way (for the most part) I managed to keep us both nice and upright in our seats and am now getting the feel for this aircraft I think…….
A minutes or so out I make the appropriate calls – Steve points out that “Yo chaps – I’m coming it to land – how is it hanging†is not and appropriate call….
He also points out that the wind may have shifted again as he can still smell the pig farm.
Oops, I forgot about that ....While he is busy looking for "emergency" landing spots (sh!t, forgot to read up about that block thing and high revs) I quickly whip off my scants Houdini style and chuck then out the window (I had had a good look at the TOD claws in our first orbit)…..
While ejecting the “evidence†I did notice however two Shrikes (Butcher Birds) sitting on the pipe thing, pecking away at something or other – stupid animals…. Well the one seems to have gotten hold of something and has flown away with the other one in hot pursuit.
There is also some farmer standing in his field wearing a weird brown striped hat (with two round foles on the top - similar to what Lardbeast's avitar used to wear) on the ground waving at me – Friendly lot these farmers are………
Anyway, the throttle has worked its way back a tad so Steve is spending more time looking forward now and starts explaining the circuit that we will fly for this phase – Ok, right here, descend a bit, right again, quiet a long bit of straight flying fairly low then a bit of a climb another turn to the right…. A short stint and then another turn to the right and we head off to where I last saw the friendly farmer (in the weird hat)
Ok, so you got it……. "Yip", I answer, "but where is the airfield?"
He points…………
WTF…?
That is not an airfield……. What it looks like is some goat track that runs up the side of a hill, bordered by the worlds deadliest thorn tree’s/bushes. Gulp….. OK, let me do a low level inspection now that I know what we are aiming for…..
I set myself up and proceed to inspect the goat track at low level…..
Steve points out that 800’ AGL is not considered ideal low level inspection height …… (On a side note I will tell you folk this, FAWGie is a born pilot – He has this uncanny knack of always knowing exactly what height we are at – I hope one day to also develop this "magical" ability)
OK, so we try it again – this time a bit lower – Steve seems happier with the height above the GTSBMTTWRBT (Goat Track surrounded by MANY Thorn Trees with REALLY big thorns) but points out that 300knts is not the ideal speed for a low level runway inspection…..
Ok, deep breath – I can get this right ……. Get everything nicely configured at the end of the downwind leg – one notch of flap, commence a descending turn – airspeed looking good, rate of descent good, turning onto finals, speed good, last notch of flaps coming down, crabbing a bit to compensate for the wind, choose my aiming point, working the footrests, a tweak here and there, sterile cockpit, 100 meters from threshold, glide slops looks good, speed bleeding off, 70m’s, 40m’s, 10, 9, 8 …1 over the thresh hold, tracking nicely –
Waiting for the ground effect ………………(camera slows for effect) ………………………. Then Chaos !!! :smt103
Fist full of throttle, climb away……….. (Steve is going to start smelling the pig farm again soon) Quick check out both sides to confirm the wings are still there – It felt as if I had pushed the “eject wings†button again by accident.
So round we go again............All set up for the landing, everything nice and established – I now start counting down two distances in my head – One to the threshold and the other to the white hole (similar to a black hole except that it is [a] white, so it is invisible and
its sole purpose of existence is to assist me in performing a wheels OFF landing]
100……..50……30……10, 9, 8, 7 – Threshold …5,4,3,2………… White Hole……
Man I am proud of myself – I predicted accurately where both of them would be – I turn to Steve and flash him my best Top Gun grin and explain to him that I was right on the numbers that time and I think I know where how they are formed and the fact that it is a pretty interesting phenomenon because of the fact that ……
Steve suffers a mild case of Dystonia (For those of you that want a more detailed description the is a footnote at the end of this post) – O Yes, I almost forgot we are now zooming down a goat track a few feet of the ground towards the TBOE (Thorn bushed of Eina) - Quick kick of the rudder and we are back over the track… whoops, correction; heading for the TBOE’s on the other side – That can be rectified with a QKOTR which results in more TBOE’s then more QKOTR which results in more TBOE’s apply QKOTR which results in more TBOE’s and so forth and so on…. 
Sort of reminded me of those pictures of someone looking at a picture of themselves looking at a picture of themselves looking ata picture of themselves ad infinitum.
I think it reminded Steve of the fact that he needs to up his medical insurance.
And up we go again, into the pattern – My farmer landmark has got tired of waving at me so we decide to pick a new landmark for me to aim for – Steve explains the dangers of picking non stationary objects such as cattle and cars to use as my markers. :smt017
Round we go, same old, same old - flaps, turn, flaps, turn, line us up establish the slope – I am still coming in a bit to “hot†and Steve does a fantastic job of calling off the ASI (This has decided to start working again) 70….65…60….55…..60…..60….55……60
Over the threshold, still too fast… need to get it into ground effect…..60…..Aww sh!t…..60….. and around we go…..
Back again…..Over the threshold, still too fast… need to get it into ground effect…..60…....60….. 55….60 ……55…..rumble rumble .. Apply some throttle, stick back (I owe Steve a case of beers – Wheels touched) Bugger it……….
Repeat the procedure (including the beer) and up we go again…. I am loitering too much in the valley and not getting enough height during the climbout so now and again the autopilot gets “handsy†and assist in my rate of climb…. This always seems to happen as I reach for the flap lever (mounted on the floor) which results in my right hand looking like a prize boxer’s. 
Some more circuits and then we head off back to home base…. Now a lot has been said about my polyhedron circuits but I will let you judge for yourself on my improvements – The first pic was before I had got my bearings right and the second one after I had got the “hang†of things …. I think I am progressing nicely but you be the judge.
I later heard FAWGie describing my pattern as a prize “box†pattern – Hhhmm, you learn something every day – I didn’t know that he could speak Afrikaans.
On the way home we get a “surprise†visit by someone also some nice early morning flying… Nothing better than coming out of a climbing turn in a circuit and be greeted by another aircraft…… Now to be completely honest I did not get a decent look at what type it was but I figure when we get back to the hangar I will go in CSI mode and figure out what it was by the wheel marks on the top of the wing.... All I know is that is was not an A380 as their dangly bits are usually folded away nicely....
On a serious note: Chap, whoever you are, do yourself, and my heart a favour, and invest in something we in the profession like to call a “Ray Dee Oh†It comes with a book called a “Man You El†READ IT………, pay special attention to the bit under "Free Qwen See" 
I do a low level over "What’s Landing" and compared to the goat track this feels like JIA as far as width is concerned…. What a pleasure….
Back into the circuit and Steve demonstrates a perfect slip over the tree’s and I commence, as per usual, to demonstrate a fumbled landing in my usual fashion…… As we approach the end of the runway the I discover the autopilot had learnt another word “brakes, Brakes, for the love of the children BRAKES !!!â€Â
And the end of another glorious day of learning how not to convert myself into a small hole in some field……
Part 3 on Wednesday……. (wx permitting)
O’h – and BTW – after some successful negotiation yesterday I can now report that I am the proud co-owner of this a/c. My partner in crime is non other that Capt Biggles who some of you may have remembered from post like “Capt Biggles – Does he own a pair of pants?†and “Capt Biggles – Naked again!!â€Â
----------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Dystonia - sustained muscle contractions that cause twisting of the body and limbs, repetitive movements, abnormal postures, and rigidity) or symptoms similar to those of Parkinson's disease. Others have twitching of the face or tongue, or peculiar bulging eyes. 
