You are proudly South African when...

[Bennie Vorster]

YOU ARE PROUDLY SOUTH AFRICAN WHEN:

You call a bathing suit a 'swimming costume'.

You call a traffic light a 'robot'.

You call an elevator a 'lift'

You call a hood a 'bonnet'

You call a trunk a 'boot'

You call a pickup truck a 'bakkie'

You call a Barbeque a 'Braai'

The employees dance in front of the building to show how unhappy they are.

The SABC advertises and shows highlights of the programme you just finished watching.

You get cold easily. Anything below 16 degrees Celsius is Arctic weather.

You know what Rooibos Tea is, even if you've never had any.

You can sing your national anthem in four languages, and you have no idea what it means in any of them.

You know someone who knows someone who has met Nelson Mandela.

You go to braais regularly, where you eat boerewors and swim, sometimes simultaneously.

You know that there's nothing to do in the Orange Free State .

You produce a R100 note instead of your driver's licence when stopped by a traffic officer.

You can do your monthly shopping on the pavement.

You have to hire a security guard whenever you park your car.

When you are a victim of crime and say: 'At least I'm still alive'.

You know a taxi can move twice it's certified number of people in one trip.

You travel 100's of kilometres to see snow.

You know the rules of Rugby better than any referee

To get free electricity you have to pay a connection fee of R750.

More people vote in a local reality TV show than in a local election.

People have the most wonderful names: Christmas, Goodwill, Pretty, Wednesday, Blessing, Brilliant, Gift, Precious, Innocence and Given, Patience, Portion, Coronation.

'Now now' or 'just now' can mean anything from a minute to a month.

You continue to wait after a traffic light has turned to green to make way for taxis travelling in the opposite direction.

Travelling at 120 km/h you're the slowest vehicle on the highway/freeway.

You're genuinely and pleasantly surprised whenever you find your car parked where you left it.

A bullet train is being introduced, but we can't fix potholes.

The last time you visited the coast you paid more in speeding fines and toll fees than you did for the entire holiday.

You paint your car's registration on the roof.

You have to take your own linen with you if you are admitted to a government hospital.

You have to prove that you don't need a loan to get one.

Prisoners go on strike.

You don't stop at a red traffic light, in case somebody hijacks your car.

You consider it a good month if you only get mugged once.

Ruwandan refugees start leaving the country because the crime rate is too high.
You consider a high crime rate as normal.

You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from SA.
VIVA !

[nicow]

Dis so waar.

[TouchNgo]

here is another one :D

Dakota Native American tribal wisdom, passed on from generation to
generation, says:

"When you discover that you are riding a dead horse, the best strategy
is to dismount and get a different horse."


However, in educative, corporate and governmental Southern Africa,
more advanced strategies are often employed, such as:

Buying a stronger whip.
Changing riders.
Appointing a committee to study the horse.
Arranging to visit other countries to see how other cultures ride dead horses.
Lowering the standards so that the dead horse can be included.
Reclassifying the dead horse as 'living impaired'.
Hiring outside contractors to ride the dead horse.
Harnessing several dead horses together to increase speed.
Providing additional funding and / or training to increase dead horse’s
performance.
Doing a productivity study to see if lighter riders would improve the dead horse's performance.
Declaring that as the dead horse does not have to be fed, it is less costly, carries lower overheads and therefore contributes substantially more to the bottom line of the economy than do some other horses.
Rewriting the expected performance requirements for all horses.
And of course.
Promoting the dead horse to a supervisory position.

If you understand the above, then you are obviously a South African!
:D

[Bennie Vorster]

Company Policy: Effective from January 2008

Dress Code:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary.
If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume
you are doing well financially and therefore do not qualify for a raise.

If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so
that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not qualify for a
raise.
If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and
therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days:
We will no longer accept a doctor's notes as proof of sickness. If you
are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work

Annual Leave Days:
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called
Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a
strict three-minute time limit in the stalls.
At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll
will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.
After your second offense, your picture will be posted on the company
bulletin board under the chronic offenders' category. Anyone caught
smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental
health policy.

Lunch Break:
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so
that they can look healthy.

Normal size people
Get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their
average figure.
Chubby
People get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed to
drink a Slim-Fast.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a
positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions, comments,
concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, Aggravations,
insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplation's, consternation
and input should be directed elsewhere.
Regards,
Director.

[Bennie Vorster]

[Bennie Vorster]

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