The joke thread
Re: The joke thread
a bit blue!
Jannie and Sannie stay on a farm in ve Free State..
One day Jannie sees Sannie going into haar room wif a big magazine. After a while, she come out and say she are going to ve post office, inna dorp.
A few weeks later, there are a knock by ve voor deur, and Sannie runs to the front door, and there are the postbode, with a registered parcel. Sannie signs very quickly, runs to her bedroom and locks the door. After a short while, she comes out, looking very much the same as when she went in. Unsure of himself, Jannie demands to know what she got in that parcel. When Sannie doesnt offer any information, Jannie pulls the age old, and threatens to go to Pa. Sannie relents, and lifts up the front of her dress.. Jannie takes one look, and passes out in the passage.. By this time, Pa has heard all this commotion, and ambles down the passage, and sees Jannie lying on the floor, and he also wants to know what is going on. Sannie ends up by lifting the front of her dress, and the Pa takes one look and also feints.
By this time Ma is wondering where everyone is, and takes a walk through the house, where she comes across this impossible scene - Pa and Jannie lying on the floor, out for the count, and Sannie standing looking in disbelief at these two. so, the inevitable - Ma wants to know what is going on.
Sannie says "I bought a suspender belt through the mail order catalogue, and it arrived today, so I put it on". So Ma says to her - "come, show me this suspender belt". With that, Sannie lifts up the front of her dress, and there is sharp exhalation of breath from Ma, with a "My jina Sannie - those clips is for the tops of your pantyhose - not your lips!"..
Jannie and Sannie stay on a farm in ve Free State..
One day Jannie sees Sannie going into haar room wif a big magazine. After a while, she come out and say she are going to ve post office, inna dorp.
A few weeks later, there are a knock by ve voor deur, and Sannie runs to the front door, and there are the postbode, with a registered parcel. Sannie signs very quickly, runs to her bedroom and locks the door. After a short while, she comes out, looking very much the same as when she went in. Unsure of himself, Jannie demands to know what she got in that parcel. When Sannie doesnt offer any information, Jannie pulls the age old, and threatens to go to Pa. Sannie relents, and lifts up the front of her dress.. Jannie takes one look, and passes out in the passage.. By this time, Pa has heard all this commotion, and ambles down the passage, and sees Jannie lying on the floor, and he also wants to know what is going on. Sannie ends up by lifting the front of her dress, and the Pa takes one look and also feints.
By this time Ma is wondering where everyone is, and takes a walk through the house, where she comes across this impossible scene - Pa and Jannie lying on the floor, out for the count, and Sannie standing looking in disbelief at these two. so, the inevitable - Ma wants to know what is going on.
Sannie says "I bought a suspender belt through the mail order catalogue, and it arrived today, so I put it on". So Ma says to her - "come, show me this suspender belt". With that, Sannie lifts up the front of her dress, and there is sharp exhalation of breath from Ma, with a "My jina Sannie - those clips is for the tops of your pantyhose - not your lips!"..
ZU-DODO
Re: The joke thread
Says the very old bull "boys, as ons plat gaan lê in die lang gras sal die koeie ons dalk nie gewaar nie"AndyG wrote:The Old bull and the young bull are standing on top of a hill looking down at the herd below. "Who do all those cows belong to?" asks the young bull.
"to me" answers the old bull.
"Wow!" says the young bull. "why don't we run down there and lay one of them"
Says the old bull, "why don't we walk down there slowly and lay ALL of them"
The truth, nothing but the truth
- THI
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Re: The joke thread
Oor LEWE en DOODGAAN Laasnag, in die kuierkamer, sit ek en my vrou en praat oor lewe, en oor doodgaan. As 'n mediese praktisyn, het ek geldige en etiese redes hoekom ek vaste oortuigings het oor seker dinge.
Net om seker te maak dat sy weet hoe ek daaroor voel, neem ek haar hand, kyk haar in die oë en verduidelik ek dit kort en saaklik:
"Skat, moet asseblief nie probeer om my aan die lewe te hou, as ek soos 'n 'vegetable' daar lê, geheel en al afhanklik van masjiene en elektroniese toerusting en vloeistowwe uit bottels nie. Ek vra jou nou, as ek in so 'n toestand is en nie meer vir myself kan besluite neem nie, dan sal ek eerder wil sterf."
Toe staan my vrou van die bank af op, met 'n uitsonderlike uitdrukking van bewondering op haar gesig... en diskonnekteer die TV, die DSTV, die Dish, die DVD, die PC, sy vat my selfoon, die iPod, en die Xbox, en toe gaan sy yskas toe en gooi die brandewyn en die whiskey en al my bier in die wasbak se drein af!
EK WAS AMPER DOOD...
Net om seker te maak dat sy weet hoe ek daaroor voel, neem ek haar hand, kyk haar in die oë en verduidelik ek dit kort en saaklik:
"Skat, moet asseblief nie probeer om my aan die lewe te hou, as ek soos 'n 'vegetable' daar lê, geheel en al afhanklik van masjiene en elektroniese toerusting en vloeistowwe uit bottels nie. Ek vra jou nou, as ek in so 'n toestand is en nie meer vir myself kan besluite neem nie, dan sal ek eerder wil sterf."
Toe staan my vrou van die bank af op, met 'n uitsonderlike uitdrukking van bewondering op haar gesig... en diskonnekteer die TV, die DSTV, die Dish, die DVD, die PC, sy vat my selfoon, die iPod, en die Xbox, en toe gaan sy yskas toe en gooi die brandewyn en die whiskey en al my bier in die wasbak se drein af!
EK WAS AMPER DOOD...
Thinus Enslin
Potchefstroom (FAPS)
ZU-CML
Sycamore MK1 - Hilux of the gyros
Would love a RV10 though...
Potchefstroom (FAPS)
ZU-CML
Sycamore MK1 - Hilux of the gyros
Would love a RV10 though...
Re: The joke thread
Drie vriendinne: 'n ongetroude, 'n verloofde en 'n lank getroude vrou, ontmoet oor 'n paar drankies na werk.
Hulle besluit om hulle liefdeslewens bietjie op te kikker en die manne in hulle lewens te verras met 'n stoutigheidjie.
'n Week later kom hulle weer bymekaar.
1. Die enkel meisie sê, "Ek het na my vriend se kantoor gegaan met 'n lang jas aan. Na almal weg is het ek die jas laat val, en al wat ek aangehad het was 'n leer korset met swart sykouse en hoëhak skoene. Ons het net daar op sy lessenaar liefde gemaak."
2. Die verloofde vrou sê, " Toe my verloofde by die huis aankom, het ek vir hom gewag met 'n swart masker, korset, sykouse en hoëhakke. Ons het die hele nag passievolle liefde gemaak, en nou wil hy vroeër trou."
3. Die getroude vrou sit haar glas neer en sê, "Ek het baie beplanning gedoen. Die kinders is na my ma toe,ek het 'n lang bad geneem met gegeurde olie en my beste parfuum aangespuit. Ek het in 'n stywe leer korset geklim met swart sykouseen ses duim hoëhakke, alles afgerond met 'n swart masker. My man het by die huis gekom, 'n bier en die afstandbeheerder gegryp, homself op die bank neergeplak en uitgeroep. "Yes Yes Batman, wat eet ons?""
Hulle besluit om hulle liefdeslewens bietjie op te kikker en die manne in hulle lewens te verras met 'n stoutigheidjie.
'n Week later kom hulle weer bymekaar.
1. Die enkel meisie sê, "Ek het na my vriend se kantoor gegaan met 'n lang jas aan. Na almal weg is het ek die jas laat val, en al wat ek aangehad het was 'n leer korset met swart sykouse en hoëhak skoene. Ons het net daar op sy lessenaar liefde gemaak."
2. Die verloofde vrou sê, " Toe my verloofde by die huis aankom, het ek vir hom gewag met 'n swart masker, korset, sykouse en hoëhakke. Ons het die hele nag passievolle liefde gemaak, en nou wil hy vroeër trou."
3. Die getroude vrou sit haar glas neer en sê, "Ek het baie beplanning gedoen. Die kinders is na my ma toe,ek het 'n lang bad geneem met gegeurde olie en my beste parfuum aangespuit. Ek het in 'n stywe leer korset geklim met swart sykouseen ses duim hoëhakke, alles afgerond met 'n swart masker. My man het by die huis gekom, 'n bier en die afstandbeheerder gegryp, homself op die bank neergeplak en uitgeroep. "Yes Yes Batman, wat eet ons?""
- DarkHelmet
- Toooooo Thousand
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Re: The joke thread
A new supermarket opened in Umhlanga - DBN. It has an automatic water mister to keep the produce fresh. Just before it goes on, you hear the sound of distant thunder and the smell of fresh rain.When you pass the milk shelves, you hear cows mooing and you experience the scent of fresh mown hay.In the meat department there is the aroma of charcoal grilled steaks with onions.When you approach the egg case, you hear hens cluck and cackle, and the air is filled with the pleasing aroma of bacon and eggs frying.The bread department features the tantalizing smell of fresh baked bread & cookies.I don't buy toilet paper there any more.
Re: The joke thread
Why not make it public and a group of us get togetherBig D wrote: Good one DH!! When we doing Pizza at Luigi dude?
been a while since our last attempt
Gavin van der Berg - ZS-WWF
“The genius controls the chaos”
One of the Proud Chain Gang Founding Members
“The genius controls the chaos”
One of the Proud Chain Gang Founding Members
- DarkHelmet
- Toooooo Thousand
- Posts: 2045
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:12 am
- Location: Jukskei Park - Randburg
Re: The joke thread
Kom ons maak 'n plan! Wanneer is jy weer in die land Big D?
Re: The joke thread
Tailspin and DH - Good idea. I am around this Friday night for Pizza at Luigi's across the road from Olivedale Clinic - Maybe 7ish? Everyone welcome. Finest pizza in the land
Big D
Re: The joke thread
This is not a dating site
just jealous cos I can't join you.
just jealous cos I can't join you.
Re: The joke thread
Now this sounds like a plan.Big D wrote:Tailspin and DH - Good idea. I am around this Friday night for Pizza at Luigi's across the road from Olivedale Clinic - Maybe 7ish? Everyone welcome. Finest pizza in the land
Maybe i should Dump Monsters and Bring the ball and chain so we can get out of the House for a bit. !!!
Gavin van der Berg - ZS-WWF
“The genius controls the chaos”
One of the Proud Chain Gang Founding Members
“The genius controls the chaos”
One of the Proud Chain Gang Founding Members
- DarkHelmet
- Toooooo Thousand
- Posts: 2045
- Joined: Mon May 23, 2005 10:12 am
- Location: Jukskei Park - Randburg
Re: The joke thread
Classic case of thread hijacking - new thread at viewtopic.php?f=1&t=13690
- Cali
- Survived second engine out
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Re: The joke thread
Pa haai en seuntjie haai sien 'n vissers skuit wat sink en swem nader.
Seuntjie haai: Pappa Pappa kom ons gaan eet hulle almal!
Pa haai: Nee seun stadig, kom ons swem eers twee keer rondom hulle met net die puntjies van ons vinne wat uitsteek.
Hulle doen dit.
Seuntjie haai: OK Pappa kom ons eet hulle nou!
Pa haai: Nee geduldig kind, kom ons swem nou twee keer rondom hulle met ons hele vinne wat uit die water steek.
Hulle doen dit.
Pa haai: Raitou Boetie kom ons eet hulle nou!
Hulle doen dit.
Seuntjie haai: Pappa hoekom moes ons eers so om hulle swem met ons vinne uit die water voor ons hulle kon eet.
Pappa haai: Want hulle proe beter sonder str@nt my seun.
Seuntjie haai: Pappa Pappa kom ons gaan eet hulle almal!
Pa haai: Nee seun stadig, kom ons swem eers twee keer rondom hulle met net die puntjies van ons vinne wat uitsteek.
Hulle doen dit.
Seuntjie haai: OK Pappa kom ons eet hulle nou!
Pa haai: Nee geduldig kind, kom ons swem nou twee keer rondom hulle met ons hele vinne wat uit die water steek.
Hulle doen dit.
Pa haai: Raitou Boetie kom ons eet hulle nou!
Hulle doen dit.
Seuntjie haai: Pappa hoekom moes ons eers so om hulle swem met ons vinne uit die water voor ons hulle kon eet.
Pappa haai: Want hulle proe beter sonder str@nt my seun.
Airborne Edge X
32-4331
"BLUEY"
32-4331
"BLUEY"
Re: The joke thread
Seks is soos 'n payslip.
Jy kan dit met niemand bespreek nie want dan weet almal hoe min jy kry………
Jy kan dit met niemand bespreek nie want dan weet almal hoe min jy kry………
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Re: The joke thread
A Irish priest was transferred to Texas .
Father O ' Malley rose from his bed one morning, it was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this: ' ' Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you? ' '
'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O ' Malley at St. Ann ' s Catholic Church. There ' s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.'
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ' ' Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites! '
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.............................................
Father O ' Malley then replied: ' Aye, ' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin. '
Father O ' Malley rose from his bed one morning, it was a fine spring day in his new Texas mission parish.
He walked to the window of his bedroom to get a deep breath of the beautiful day outside.
He then noticed there was a jackass lying dead in the middle of his front lawn.
He promptly called the local police station......
The conversation went like this: ' ' Good morning. This is Sergeant Jones. How might I help you? ' '
'And the best of the day te yerself. This is Father O ' Malley at St. Ann ' s Catholic Church. There ' s a jackass lying dead in me front lawn.'
Sergeant Jones, considering himself to be quite a wit, replied with a smirk, ' ' Well now Father, it was always my impression that you people took care of the last rites! '
There was dead silence on the line for a long moment.............................................
Father O ' Malley then replied: ' Aye, ' tis certainly true; but we are also obliged to notify the next of kin. '
ZU-DODO
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